Thursday, May 31, 2012

Don’t Judge a Pirate by his Eye Patch

Ahoy Mateys!!!!  AHOY!!

Aye! Aye!!  That’s “Yes! Yes!” for those of you who don’t speak Pirate. Aye/yes, this is going to be a little story about a scallywag, a mutiny and swabbing the poop decks!!

Welllllllllll….. maybe not the mutiny and poop deck part… but it is about a pirate. Sorta.

My sweet elderly neighbor moved into a nursing home leaving a vacant home right next to us.  This home was outdated and overpriced in my opinion and remained vacant for some time, I’d say close to a year.  I never saw much activity over there in terms of open houses or people checking it out. But, lo and behold, one fateful day, no sooner does the “For Sale” sign come down and up goes aaaaaaa…. are you ready for this?!?!?!?  Wait-for-it---Wait----for----it---- up goes a ginormous, AND I DO MEAN, GINORMOUS PIRATE FLAG!! You know, a “Jolly Roger,” black and white with the skull-and-crossbones?!? I didn’t even know that term, “Jolly Roger,” until it was flying proudly mere feet from my front door.  AND “NO” it was NOT Halloween time.

Just what has moved in next door?!? PIRATES!?!? I’m slightly terrified to be honest. I have children for God’s sake. I have visions of us all walking the plank.

Plus, what about my house??


That was the sound of my property value flushing down the toilet in an already depressed housing market.  SWEET!!

Months and months had passed.  The mammoth flag still waving at me daily with its cheerful death wish. “Ahoy there Sherrie, Sherrie! Nice to see you today. Care for a flogging?” But I never saw my new “pirate” neighbor. Somehow we kept missing each other? Like two ships passing in the night… one, obviously, a pirate ship. Ha!

Top o' the mornin' to ya!!

Now in this long stretch of time, much work was being done on the pirate house. The swashbucklers were into home improvement!! So they couldn’t be all that bad, right? I was a little more at ease and was feeling the value of my home was marginally redeemed.

Flushing sound down a few decibels at this point, “Whooshgurgleluglug.”

Cut to summer and I’m outside doing yard work. WESTWARD HO! Approacheth mystery pirate man!! “FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!” I’m thinking that is roughly the pirate equivalent of “O - M - G,” which is about what I was thinking at that moment!!

He introduces himself. He has no eye patch, no peg leg and no parrot on his shoulder? WHAAAAT?!? Seems like a disgrace to respectable pirates everywhere? To boot, Jack Sparrow he was not! Johnny Depp was not my new neighbor. Sigh

We, surprisingly, had a nice convo, sharing typical neighborly small talk.  At some point, I must have lost all common sense, and my dumb ass asks him, “Sooooooo, what’s up with the pirate flag?!?” Uuummm, might not be wise to piss off someone who just might be concealing a cannon in his garage!!  He answers in an almost sing-songy fashion, “Well, we’re all a little bit pirate.” Reeeeaally?? I didn’t think I had any pirate blood in me?  Might have to check out the family tree on that one? The Donnie and Marie Osmond song from the 70’s totally popped in my head, too, “We're a little bit country. We're a little bit rock 'n roll.” They never sang “We’re a little bit pirate?” Certain of that!! I loved the Donnie & Marie show. I would have remembered that! But I said nothing. I just smiled and shook my head in a kind of restrained agreement. The logic that escaped me prior has returned and I am not about to argue with a pirate.

It comes up while chatting that he makes wine, Pink Catawba being one of his specialties. Now, I’m certainly no wine connoisseur, so if I’m off base here, forgive me. I love this wine, but to me, it’s a rather feminine wine? Right?!? O-O-O-kaaay now -- let -- me -- get -- this -- straight -- self-proclaimed Pirate’s grog of choice is a girlie vino?!? How’d that song go, “Fifteen men on a dead man's chest. Yo ho ho and a bottle of Pink Catawba?” Pinkies up Pirates! Way up! Arrrrrrrr!

Pretty anticlimactic encounter I’d say.  No forced surrender. No dastardly pirate torture. Didn’t steal my “booty” (get your minds out of the gutter on that one, please and thank you). Instead, he gifted me a bottle of his homemade wine. Shiver me timbers! That was nice of him. I drank it later. Not rum in disguise. Not poison. Truthfully… delicious!!

Since that initial meeting, he has trimmed tree branches that were hanging over my garage. It was his tree, but still. He also averted the po-po from my home when a lingering party was a little too loud. That’s a whole another story. ;)

I’d say my neighbor is a hospitable pirate. An oxymoron? Yeah, probably…

Adding to these many contradictions, it appears that he may now have given up on his pirate “ways?” The Jolly Roger is now down. Can’t say that I miss it! He has moved along and selected new items to decorate his house and yard. Are you ready for this?!?!?!?  Wait-for-it---Wait----for----it----





GARDEN GNOMES!?!?!?  A pirate flag to garden gnomes!?!? This is a GIANT leap for anyone to make. Now he’s “a little bit gnome??”

You just never know!!  Can’t judge a pirate by his eye patch, lack there of one or by the number of gnomes he has surrounding his front walkway. It’s THREE by the way!! THREE! I believe their names are “Yo,” “Ho” and “Ho!"


  1. that is so funny! we love pirates at our house (it is the theme for my son's nursery!)
    glad to be following you from the Blog Hop.


  2. Cute :) New follower from the Blog Hop.
    Happy Weekend :)

  3. THANK YOU Ladies!! Sooo nice to read such sweet messages first thing in the morning!!

  4. Ha! I think I'd prefer the pirate flag to the gnomes. That could just be my inner six-year-old talking.
    Very enjoyable post, Sherrie!

  5. There were many times that I was afraid to come over at least now I can approach the back door in peace!



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