Knick-Knack-ophobia

Bellied up on a visit to a much-loved sushi bar and fast approaching an unagi, wasabi and spicy tuna induced coma, I am roused from my food trance by the following:

“Just. What. Is. He. Looking. At?”

It is staring at me with its yellow eyes, intense lifeless yellow eyes. Its paw waving at me, a shiny golden paw. Both gaze and wave are constant and unrelenting. Back and forth with the golden paw, back and forth, never missing a beat. Do I have seaweed stuck in my teeth? Rice on my chin? Do I need a refill on my plum wine? “What does it want?” Go away strange cat. Please go away.

Back to my sushi. Chop-sticks recommence, click click, soy sauce is-a-splish-splashing, wonderful levels of gluttony in sight once again, but yet I can feel this feline beckoning me. The death stare this creature has on me is palpable. I can not overt my peripheral vision from the rhythmic arm movements. I am distracted. I am unsettled. I am scared. Yes, I am afraid of a glittering porcelain knick-knack. I mean look at that thing. It could star in a slasher movie, ee aww, ee aww. OK, that sounds more like a donkey, but I don’t know how to write-out in words the horror flick sound effects that accompany the untimely demise of someone via stabbing. "Ee aww, ee aww" will just have to do and picture a "Psycho" killing type scene in your head while you're at it.

I made it out of the sushi joint alive, nonetheless this is a forewarning, if one of those cats ever cross your path, do not get too close. That sucker could go postal at any moment. The alleged friendly wave quickly turning to a full-blown scratch attack or a stabbing, drawing a tiny little switchblade on your ass. Ee aww, ee aww. There’s something about that stare too, it is hypnotic. Do not, I repeat, do not, gaze directly into those mesmerizing eyes. You won’t be able to read any of my stuff if you are turned to stone and I would miss you dearly. Glance away. I know it is hard but you must do this, if not for yourself, do it for me. Do it for Sherrie Sherrie.

With the nightmare of that scary statue long behind me, I’m enjoying a pedicure at a local nail salon and chillaxing in a heavenly massage chair. Feet soaking in luxurious bubbly water, tensions being worked out of my back, pretty toes soon to be mine. This is the life. Suddenly, I have that all too familiar feeling of someone watching me. Looking around and what do I spy sitting way over on a shelf, eyeballing and shaking its fist at me? You know it… I’m being stalked now… it is following me!

Ee aww, ee aww. For the love of God, run for your lives!

But, finish my toes first please. Thanks.