A New Year... A New Year of Letting Go...

NEW YEARS EVE. Balloons. Bubbly. Noisemakers. Countdown. Confetti. Reflection. Resolutions.

As you end this year and move onto the NEW, yours might include all or none of these.

For those that are of the mindset to ruminate some on the year past and look forward to the year ahead… I AM WITH YOU.

What has gone right?

What has gone wrong?

What you would like to change?

One right off the cuff for me is that I only had one blog post this year. ONE. Quite disappointing. Well, now two. No better.

I am a firm believer in the “letting go” concept. It doesn’t have to be a person. It can be anything holding you back or taking up too much “space.” An old idea, tendency, habit, fear, belief. If it’s not working for you… “LET IT GO.”

I have used the below passage over the years and it is one of my favorites. There were times in the past I truly “needed” the power of these words and others, like now, it was just a nice reminder.

I share it with all of you and wish you a year free of at least one “old” and one filled with many wonderful “news!”

LET IT GO!

BY BISHOP T.D. JAKES....

There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk.

I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone. When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The Bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19] 

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.

Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.

You've got to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains . . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents . . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

Let the past be the past Forget the former things. GOD is doing a new thing for 2017!!!

LET IT GO!!!

Get Right or Get Left. think about it, and then . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

Sending Birthday Wishes to Heaven

I believe in the power of words.

Words put to “paper,” that once read can so deeply touch you that you look at things differently. You are altered. Changed. Changed in that moment. Changed… perhaps forever.

I have read something that undeniably gripping, and I am now compelled to share it with you.

May I introduce you to my beautiful friend Cindi, her equally beautiful words and her heartrending yet uplifting story.   

"My first born briefly graced this world 22 years ago... TODAY. 

My beautiful Nathan Lawrence. 

All 8 lbs 9 oz of him. 

With a head full of golden hair and such soft kissable cheeks. I remember the moment he was placed in my arms... my world stood still, and I was in total awe of him. 

I fell hard, so hopelessly in love. 

The love was greater than the pain of facing this unfathomable loss. 

I studied his face and breathed him in. I remember every little unique feature. It is burned into my vision and imprinted on my heart for the rest of my days. 

It was my dream come true and my worst nightmare running parallel in the same moment. 

Hello and goodbye became one in the same on March 4, 1994. 

What was supposed to be the most magical and amazing moment of a young mother's life, took a shocking turn and somehow morphed itself into planning a funeral. 

Such a tiny white casket, cradling the most precious person in my world. 

My head is still reeling in it all. Life, as I knew it, would never be the same. 

The only thing he changed was EVERYthing. 

Each one of the past 8,035 days... I have loved him, imagined him here, gazed upon the empty spot at the kitchen table with an unspoken ache in my heart. 

But, out of sight is never out of mind to me. 

It's just not easy to have all this love for my child, and no place to 'put it'. And nothing to 'talk about' regarding the events of his life. 

So on his birthday I have a burning desire to speak his name to the world. Well, at least to my friends... 

(So thank you for listening, it is important to me) 

This year he would (probably) be a senior in college, and stepping out into the world as the unique individual he was called to be. Perhaps a businessman, teacher, artist, musician, health care professional, NBA star :) 

I know he would have had a lot to contribute to this world.... 

Yet, for reasons unknown, he wasn't destined for it. 

22 years later, all the questions still linger so heavily in the air. 

Like, why was he created so perfectly, so beautifully... and placed in my waiting arms, only for him to be ripped away from me, to be taken onward to another realm of life where I don't get the privilege of seeing his face, hearing his voice, watching him grow, celebrating his milestones, as any mother should? 

Why would our creator so graciously give such a miraculous gift of life, just to take it right back... before it had a chance to really begin? 

Why would the universe hand pick our family to do this to? 

An innocent baby facing his own mortality seems so unnatural, so cruel... especially since, as his Mom, I should have been able to protect him from anything that tried to hurt him. Really leaves me feeling like I failed him. I hope he knows I would have taken a bullet for him, or walked through fire for him. I would have laid my life down for the chance for him to live one day. 

No mother should have to surrender her child back to God, it just all seems so wrong. 

I believe a big part of me will wander around aimlessly for the rest of my life, searching for a truth I know I will never find. 

But one thing IS certain - my boy is LOVED - from the moment I squealed in delight at the plus sign on my pregnancy test, until this very moment today. I love him unconditionally, as any mother loves her child. No different than if he was here. 

His life, although short but sweet, mattered.. and it changed mine forever. 

Because of him, I care more deeply - probably even to a fault. 

I take nothing for granted, not even a single breath. 

I don't assume that I will see a loved one again, and I don't talk about 'someday'.... as life offers zero guarantees, and our time walking this planet is quite limited, and should be held sacred. We are all on borrowed time, and all we have is the moment we're in. 

I have become ultra sensitive, my heart literally bleeds for people who are hurting. And at the same time, I celebrate the 'good stuff' of life on a much higher level since he came into my life. If I love someone, I love deeply and without abandon - and I show them - I never keep them guessing or allow them to doubt how much they mean to me, knowing they could be gone in the blink of an eye without a minute's warning. 

Sometimes my vulnerability gets me hurt, but it won't stop me. I choose not to live in regret, which allows my heart a certain freedom. 

But I do have to admit, some days I am stone cold bitter when I contemplate all I lost, ughhh.... but most days I consciously choose to embrace life's blessings with everything I've got. 

Life is in vain if is not celebrated. 

I want to make my boy proud of the fact that I don't take a single day (that he was denied, yet I was given) for granted. 

I enjoy the simple things... just a walk in the park, or taking in a sunset, or a family dinner... and I am on top of the world. 

Material things mean nothing to me - life experiences with people I love mean everything. 

Part of me died along with Nathan that day, yet part of me awakened to a new light once the fog lifted.

He taught me that life is a precious gift - yet, it is imperfect, painful, chaotic, unfair, mysterious, incredibly fragile, fleeting... but above all, it is beautiful. 

The only thing we can control is our attitude, so it's best to just make the best hand of the cards we are dealt. Best laid plans go haywire sometimes, gotta just roll with the punches. 

He taught me an inner strength I never knew I had, and makes me realize that I am equipped with whatever tools I need to face life's challenges. Some days I feel like a ninja, and I smile and I thank him for that! 

He taught me a love like I've never known. Who knew that love could be that powerful and profound, even when the separation of death attempted to alter our mother/son bond. Not a chance - time has NO power over love. Actually, nothing has power over love. 

All these valuable life lessons taught to me by one special little boy, MY boy, in such a brief little window of time. 

To deny his existence to avoid feeling the pain, would be living a lie, because he is such a big part of who I am. 

Although losing him is an unexplainable ache I silently live with every day of my life, and yes, the tears still frequently fall... I would never change a single thing about mothering him, because it was an honor to grow him under my heart and love him with a depth I had never known before him. 

And yes, there is even beauty to be found in surrendering him back to God (not that I wanted to). 

I think he is pretty amazing and special, and no doubt he has a definitive purpose in this universe. 

I don't know, maybe he makes the stars shine, or the rain showers fall, or the waves tumble over the shoreline, or the flowers bloom... or, maybe he is an artist who paints rainbows. :) But I never doubt that my son has special purpose and lives on. He was created with purpose beyond my understanding. 

I feel him. 

We get signs from him. Whenever his sister, Brittany, tells me about a moment when she knew her brother was there by her side, it makes my heart swell. 

He is alive and well in our hearts. 

I envision every little detail of his face through the years, and I know I will find out someday that I was spot on. A Mom just 'knows.' He surely is a handsome guy with his Dad's dimpled chin, Paul Newman blue eyes, and with a smile that could light up the world, much like his sister Brittany. 

And I believe that him and I would share the same heart because the connection I feel to him is quite profound. 

22 is a special number to me for so many reasons, and maybe that is why I am so introspective this year on his birthday. 

22 years.... just, wow. 

Taking the day off today with my family to go get lost somewhere, and just be together in honor and remembrance of our special guy. He will always be an integral part of our family who we acknowledge, celebrate, and love very deeply. 

Time will never change that, even another 22 years from now... and 22 years beyond that. 

He is my ever after, my little piece of heaven. 

Nothing can take that away from me."

~Cindi

 HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY NATHAN!