Silence is Betrayal

I’m not OK.

The world is not OK.

Kinda surprised to find myself here. My long-lost blog. Hey there. Didn’t think I’d show up again to be honest. I started this blog long ago because I loved to write and wanted, at the time, to do it more “formally.” Mostly to write light-hearted things that might make a person laugh or smile.

Light-heart? Smiling? These seems like very foreign concepts at the moment. **extremely sad emoji face**

I have always considered myself a NON-racist person. I know this in my heart to be true.

Given the MURDER of George Floyd and the turmoil that has happened thereafter, I have done much soul searching. Which was done mostly in my bed in near fetal position crying intermittently and often uncontrollably for the greater of 3 days. But I digress.

Jump to my finding. I have not always been an ANTI-racist. Yep… I suck. 

I have played every incident in my memory bank that supports this unfortunate discovery over and over. With much guilt, much sadness and an extremely heavy heart these were on repeat from my Serta iComfort.

I know going forward I can do better.

I. Need. To. Do. Better.

Both to be true to my heart AND to support my friends and community that are people of color.

I vowed to make changes. Certainly don’t need to make that “public.” However, believe open communication and dialogue, perhaps, can initiate change.

** prayer hands ** fingers-crossed ** salt-over the shoulder ** ALL the things like this **

So much yo-yoing done on how this “change” will look for me. And here I’ve landed. My old friend, Sherrie Sherrie. Brushing off the cobwebs from this site. It never really had any great following. That’s fine. But maybe my reflections might speak to one person. For that, it would be worth it.

On to my indiscretions. I have been in the presence of racial “speak.” And, at times, have done nothing. 

NOT-A-DAMN-THING. 

I did not like the disgusting words that hit my ears. I did not agree with that filth. Yet I did not open my mouth. I was silent. Quietly indignant.

THIS. WILL. NEVER. HAPPEN. AGAIN.

I. VOW. THIS. NOW. AND. FOREVER. MORE.

After I finally dragged myself out of the bed of despair, I had a few discussions with some of the people that were around when I chose to take the easy way out, not stir the pot and not speak my mind. 

My truth. 

Reactions going forward will be different. 

If there is even a potential of words revealing an ugly heart? Silence is not going to be the outcome.

Haven’t figured it all out. Not sure how “future state” will look for me. It’s a learning and growing process. When I get upset I can get riled up. And you know what? If I act a fool defending what’s in my heart, SO BE IT! 

But complicity to racism is now OFF. THE. TABLE.

You may be asked to leave my home? I may leave yours? I might get out of your car? There’s always an Uber nearby. I may question your words? Maybe there will be a good conversation and growth on both sides? Maybe not? Maybe I will lose “friends?” Maybe some people will hate me?

I’d prefer things weren’t this way. That the world is happy-go-lucky and all about solidarity and unity. Unfortunately, I know racism is real and thriving. I need to go no further than my Facebook feed to see it. Kicking it like old school. Like the 1950’s. At times I have hope that racism isn’t the fattest cat around town. But I do see that f@#%*er being well fed. Steady sustenance of fear and bigotry.

Another moment in my past that I have regret. Probably circa 2002? Family (kid) birthday party. A “family” member had an all-out racial rant. I do not recall what was said or any of the circumstances thereabout. I do know it was over-the-top. I do know I didn’t like or agree with the sentiment. My son (maybe 10-12 at the time) met the rant with one of equal fervor. Calling racism flat-out. It was emotional and, um, I’ll just say “loud.” I took him outside. Calmed him down. Told him that what he felt was justified but he didn’t handle it well. Or it wasn’t the place? Don’t remember exactly? 

Holy mother #FAIL! 

I never addressed said “family” member that we (myself and my children) don’t “do” racism. Didn’t have his back. Never said I was proud of him. Semi shamed him for the outburst. In hindsight he was not wrong. I WAS! 

Ultimately the “family” member was, but here’s that complicity part again. You know?

Why the hell not speak-up (even loudly) against racial injustice?

Post my voyage through the depths of my soul, I apologized to him for that single moment. Through choked-up, tear-filled mom guilt. Twenty some odd years later. He’s 30 now. Better late than never.  

He remembered the day vividly. I’m not surprised. I’ll pick up the Mom “ball” I dropped decades ago and say it now, I’m proud of him for showing me an example of active anti-racism. Kudos!

I don’t presume to have any answers or solutions. I can only offer my perspective. Which I won’t assume is even worth more than the typical two cents. If even that.

There are people who are just inherently intolerant of walks of life unlike their own. I will say one word to this particular group. One word… HUMANITY. One can only hope and pray that one day the concept of “humankind” might sink through thick skin, deep-rooted prejudices and hardened hearts. 

WE. ARE. ALL. HUMAN.

Some believe there is no racism. Some believe there is no such thing as white privilege. Or see this current civil unrest in far different ways than one’s own personal lens on life.

    

Maybe we can learn from other’s perceptions on things like these and beyond? Hard work for sure. Trying to seeing things from their vantage point, we potentially can grow closer rather than widen the divide. 

Talk to your black friends and colleagues about when they’ve experienced racism. (Trust me – they have a story). Talk to your white friends on their examples of white privilege. Maybe you can relate?

I have an extremely close friend who just so happens to be black. One of my favorite people in the world. Hands down. I thought about how I might feel if he fell victim to police brutality. Anger certainly would not be out of the gamete of my emotions. I can understand anger. I can understand fear given the repeat occurrences of rogue cops and civilians demonstrating racism in extreme and ridiculous ways.

On the flip side of that, family members of police who have been killed or injured during riots or the like now or over the years. I can understand anger. Fear for “your” officer is justified and not disregarded.

There are no exclusives here. Or should not be. I think it’s often what people hold on to – it’s all or none. Why? Why does it have to be that way? Not all protesters are rioters or criminals. Not all police are bad. Not all whites are racists. Not all blacks assume whites are racist.

I am not without guilt on this front. Given similar actions on both sides of this depressing divide, I’ve let myself get upset with people’s words and anger because it did not appear to be equally matched. Assumptions are made. Maybe guttural reactions are spot on. Maybe not. 

I will try to do better to ask the tough questions and find out. 

Nonetheless, the same actions are not any different based on the color of your skin. 

There are murderers of all races (and professions). There are petty criminals of all races (and professions). There unlawful people of all races (and professions). All of that is wrong. Regardless of your race or profession. Wrong. Period.

I have sympathy for the level of frustration from the black community. I do. That level of anger is understandable and noted. 

I cannot get behind violence and destruction as a response in anyway however. An eye for an eye? Fight violence with violence? Nope. Not a solution. Not in my eyes.

Let me add that this type and level of response is not exclusively perpetuated by one race. Not during this current unrest or throughout history. White people rioted over Joe Paterno being fired amidst a child sex abuse scandal. No words. **skin crawl**

The overload of bad things happening right now is not pleasant. Understatement.

But we must learn from it. You know how it goes… or will be condemned to repeat it. Enough is enough. 

Buried within tragedies, there have been beautiful moments. Let’s revel and be thankful for those. People speaking out for what is right and just. 

Police going on record stating what happened to George Floyd is blatantly wrong. Coming together with the protesters. Walking with them. Kneeling with them. Listening to them. Hugging them. ♥ 
It’s what we need. Desperately. More of this. Please.

If a man or woman in blue can look at the now infamous “9 minutes” and not see “wrong” or “murder.” Please turn in your badge. If you see things you’ve been taught not to do, voice that. This is where we can begin healing and build trust again. The burden of solutions is certainly not all on your shoulders. But it helps to know you do see the same injustice. We can land together on that point at least.

There’s been many peaceful protests. There have. Instances of protesters challenging and stopping others from taking their anger to a point of destruction. Reminding them of the true cause and what needs to be done - peacefully. Again, more of this. 

Peaceful protests and demonstrations about police brutality have been met with much disdain in the past. One opposition I recall from Colin Kaepernick quietly taking a knee was that he was on the “job” and should not be able to use that time for personal reasons. Officer Chauvin was also on the “job.” He took 9 minutes of his “job” to do something other than his “job.” In addition, that “thing” was both criminal and inhumane. The National Anthem is less than 2 minutes. 

2 < 9.   Peaceful > Murderous. 

Something to chew on.

Why can’t a person be anti-police brutality, anti-racism, pro-police, pro-veterans AND pro-America. I am. I've fallen short on support of all. Room for improvement.

I believe there needs to be a change in law enforcement. Most definitely! Why did Officer Chauvin still even have a badge prior to all of this with the highly questionable and lengthy track record? 

This does not mean I am anti-police. Or think all cops are dirty. Or that I don’t value the lives of police officers. Blue Lives Do Matter.

I think when “Black Lives Matter” is met with “All Lives Matter” it discounts that there is any problem to be addressed. That there is no racism at play. Maybe that’s truly the stance? That they don’t care? They don’t see it? 

If you do care, we, as a society, can’t just leap over all hard stuff that needs to happen to get to the part of full equality for all. Where no particular group needs to speak out about the injustices they endure. There are no short cuts or quick fixes here.

We can be sensitive to and support the plight of our brothers and sisters, without losing sight of our own. Can we not?  

I’m on page 4 here on trying to express my thoughts. It’s LONG. I am sorry for that. It could be longer. Things are complex. Messy. None of this is easy. For anyone. 

But it is worse for some. 

And certainly is not for some white girl therapeutically pouring her feelings out on a laptop. I don't have first hand insight into any of this. I know how I feel. And I am willing to listen and learn beyond that.  

If any of this resonates with you, won’t you please vow with me to not go silent about racism and injustice? Be true to yourself. Your heart. #SilenceIsBetrayal 

Let’s listen to each other’s stories. Let’s be better. Let’s do better.

We can. 

I pray we will.

Two cents from a broken-hearted American.

A New Year... A New Year of Letting Go...

NEW YEARS EVE. Balloons. Bubbly. Noisemakers. Countdown. Confetti. Reflection. Resolutions.

As you end this year and move onto the NEW, yours might include all or none of these.

For those that are of the mindset to ruminate some on the year past and look forward to the year ahead… I AM WITH YOU.

What has gone right?

What has gone wrong?

What you would like to change?

One right off the cuff for me is that I only had one blog post this year. ONE. Quite disappointing. Well, now two. No better.

I am a firm believer in the “letting go” concept. It doesn’t have to be a person. It can be anything holding you back or taking up too much “space.” An old idea, tendency, habit, fear, belief. If it’s not working for you… “LET IT GO.”

I have used the below passage over the years and it is one of my favorites. There were times in the past I truly “needed” the power of these words and others, like now, it was just a nice reminder.

I share it with all of you and wish you a year free of at least one “old” and one filled with many wonderful “news!”

LET IT GO!

BY BISHOP T.D. JAKES....

There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk.

I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone. When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The Bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19] 

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.

Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.

You've got to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains . . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents . . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

Let the past be the past Forget the former things. GOD is doing a new thing for 2017!!!

LET IT GO!!!

Get Right or Get Left. think about it, and then . . . . . . . .

LET IT GO!!!

Sending Birthday Wishes to Heaven

I believe in the power of words.

Words put to “paper,” that once read can so deeply touch you that you look at things differently. You are altered. Changed. Changed in that moment. Changed… perhaps forever.

I have read something that undeniably gripping, and I am now compelled to share it with you.

May I introduce you to my beautiful friend Cindi, her equally beautiful words and her heartrending yet uplifting story.   

"My first born briefly graced this world 22 years ago... TODAY. 

My beautiful Nathan Lawrence. 

All 8 lbs 9 oz of him. 

With a head full of golden hair and such soft kissable cheeks. I remember the moment he was placed in my arms... my world stood still, and I was in total awe of him. 

I fell hard, so hopelessly in love. 

The love was greater than the pain of facing this unfathomable loss. 

I studied his face and breathed him in. I remember every little unique feature. It is burned into my vision and imprinted on my heart for the rest of my days. 

It was my dream come true and my worst nightmare running parallel in the same moment. 

Hello and goodbye became one in the same on March 4, 1994. 

What was supposed to be the most magical and amazing moment of a young mother's life, took a shocking turn and somehow morphed itself into planning a funeral. 

Such a tiny white casket, cradling the most precious person in my world. 

My head is still reeling in it all. Life, as I knew it, would never be the same. 

The only thing he changed was EVERYthing. 

Each one of the past 8,035 days... I have loved him, imagined him here, gazed upon the empty spot at the kitchen table with an unspoken ache in my heart. 

But, out of sight is never out of mind to me. 

It's just not easy to have all this love for my child, and no place to 'put it'. And nothing to 'talk about' regarding the events of his life. 

So on his birthday I have a burning desire to speak his name to the world. Well, at least to my friends... 

(So thank you for listening, it is important to me) 

This year he would (probably) be a senior in college, and stepping out into the world as the unique individual he was called to be. Perhaps a businessman, teacher, artist, musician, health care professional, NBA star :) 

I know he would have had a lot to contribute to this world.... 

Yet, for reasons unknown, he wasn't destined for it. 

22 years later, all the questions still linger so heavily in the air. 

Like, why was he created so perfectly, so beautifully... and placed in my waiting arms, only for him to be ripped away from me, to be taken onward to another realm of life where I don't get the privilege of seeing his face, hearing his voice, watching him grow, celebrating his milestones, as any mother should? 

Why would our creator so graciously give such a miraculous gift of life, just to take it right back... before it had a chance to really begin? 

Why would the universe hand pick our family to do this to? 

An innocent baby facing his own mortality seems so unnatural, so cruel... especially since, as his Mom, I should have been able to protect him from anything that tried to hurt him. Really leaves me feeling like I failed him. I hope he knows I would have taken a bullet for him, or walked through fire for him. I would have laid my life down for the chance for him to live one day. 

No mother should have to surrender her child back to God, it just all seems so wrong. 

I believe a big part of me will wander around aimlessly for the rest of my life, searching for a truth I know I will never find. 

But one thing IS certain - my boy is LOVED - from the moment I squealed in delight at the plus sign on my pregnancy test, until this very moment today. I love him unconditionally, as any mother loves her child. No different than if he was here. 

His life, although short but sweet, mattered.. and it changed mine forever. 

Because of him, I care more deeply - probably even to a fault. 

I take nothing for granted, not even a single breath. 

I don't assume that I will see a loved one again, and I don't talk about 'someday'.... as life offers zero guarantees, and our time walking this planet is quite limited, and should be held sacred. We are all on borrowed time, and all we have is the moment we're in. 

I have become ultra sensitive, my heart literally bleeds for people who are hurting. And at the same time, I celebrate the 'good stuff' of life on a much higher level since he came into my life. If I love someone, I love deeply and without abandon - and I show them - I never keep them guessing or allow them to doubt how much they mean to me, knowing they could be gone in the blink of an eye without a minute's warning. 

Sometimes my vulnerability gets me hurt, but it won't stop me. I choose not to live in regret, which allows my heart a certain freedom. 

But I do have to admit, some days I am stone cold bitter when I contemplate all I lost, ughhh.... but most days I consciously choose to embrace life's blessings with everything I've got. 

Life is in vain if is not celebrated. 

I want to make my boy proud of the fact that I don't take a single day (that he was denied, yet I was given) for granted. 

I enjoy the simple things... just a walk in the park, or taking in a sunset, or a family dinner... and I am on top of the world. 

Material things mean nothing to me - life experiences with people I love mean everything. 

Part of me died along with Nathan that day, yet part of me awakened to a new light once the fog lifted.

He taught me that life is a precious gift - yet, it is imperfect, painful, chaotic, unfair, mysterious, incredibly fragile, fleeting... but above all, it is beautiful. 

The only thing we can control is our attitude, so it's best to just make the best hand of the cards we are dealt. Best laid plans go haywire sometimes, gotta just roll with the punches. 

He taught me an inner strength I never knew I had, and makes me realize that I am equipped with whatever tools I need to face life's challenges. Some days I feel like a ninja, and I smile and I thank him for that! 

He taught me a love like I've never known. Who knew that love could be that powerful and profound, even when the separation of death attempted to alter our mother/son bond. Not a chance - time has NO power over love. Actually, nothing has power over love. 

All these valuable life lessons taught to me by one special little boy, MY boy, in such a brief little window of time. 

To deny his existence to avoid feeling the pain, would be living a lie, because he is such a big part of who I am. 

Although losing him is an unexplainable ache I silently live with every day of my life, and yes, the tears still frequently fall... I would never change a single thing about mothering him, because it was an honor to grow him under my heart and love him with a depth I had never known before him. 

And yes, there is even beauty to be found in surrendering him back to God (not that I wanted to). 

I think he is pretty amazing and special, and no doubt he has a definitive purpose in this universe. 

I don't know, maybe he makes the stars shine, or the rain showers fall, or the waves tumble over the shoreline, or the flowers bloom... or, maybe he is an artist who paints rainbows. :) But I never doubt that my son has special purpose and lives on. He was created with purpose beyond my understanding. 

I feel him. 

We get signs from him. Whenever his sister, Brittany, tells me about a moment when she knew her brother was there by her side, it makes my heart swell. 

He is alive and well in our hearts. 

I envision every little detail of his face through the years, and I know I will find out someday that I was spot on. A Mom just 'knows.' He surely is a handsome guy with his Dad's dimpled chin, Paul Newman blue eyes, and with a smile that could light up the world, much like his sister Brittany. 

And I believe that him and I would share the same heart because the connection I feel to him is quite profound. 

22 is a special number to me for so many reasons, and maybe that is why I am so introspective this year on his birthday. 

22 years.... just, wow. 

Taking the day off today with my family to go get lost somewhere, and just be together in honor and remembrance of our special guy. He will always be an integral part of our family who we acknowledge, celebrate, and love very deeply. 

Time will never change that, even another 22 years from now... and 22 years beyond that. 

He is my ever after, my little piece of heaven. 

Nothing can take that away from me."

~Cindi

 HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY NATHAN!

Support, Solidarity For Paris, For Humanity

Logging on to social media can be good. It can be bad. And it can be downright ugly.

I’ve seen more than one post ranting about why are “we” supporting France/changing our profile pictures to the French flag because the “French hate Americans,” etc. This is, simply, FALSE. I’m sure there are some French that do, just as there are some Americans who hate the French (as demonstrated by said tirades). Nonetheless, it is this same bias, prejudice, discrimination and animosity that fuels the hate-crime “mindset.” It is also not true that all Muslims are terrorists, that all blacks are criminals, that all college graduates are arrogant, that “all Italians should be hated,” or any of the other generalizations, ad nauseam, that I’ve heard over the years. How are “these” attitudes any better than those that caused the atrocity in Paris?


This is a quote from the company I work for (a global company with businesses in France) about the events in Paris, “It is, therefore, with great sadness that I report that this tragedy has touched ‘our’ family directly. An employee and his wife were among those who lost their lives Friday night in Paris. They leave behind an 18-month-old baby."


THIS is why we should and need to support France. For this now parent-less young child and for anyone else effected.


I don’t understand how we are not supposed to care?! Why should we not care?! It’s called COMPASSION. It is heart-wrenching to me that some do not instinctively have this quality.


It was with true horror that I watched the news after the 9/11 attacks and witnessed people cheering.


----CHEERING?----


Cheering at death?


Cheering at father-less, mother-less children?


Cheering at the pain and suffering of others?


Cheering at the heartbreak and mourning of an individual, a family, an entire nation?


While “you” might not be “cheering” at the deaths that occurred in the tragic events in Paris, you are not empathetic or even sympathetic. It rests easy on your mind and heart because “they hate us anyway” or any other rationalization for your abhorrence of an entire group of people. This produces the same kind of “horror” deep within me.


To care and show concern for others is what makes us human and we need to do this regardless of where a person was born, the color of their skin, their sexual orientation, or anything else that one can single out as being distain-worthy.


To the 18-month old baby... I am praying for you... America is praying for you.


"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." - Martin Luther King

Live Well, Laugh Often, Love Much and Donate Life

I have always supported the idea of organ donation. 

I’m registered. 

It’s on my driver’s license. 

I have a green “DONATE LIFE” wristband and a pin somewhere. 

The thought that one day, when I’m oh so geriatric and have squeezed out every ounce of life I could possibly manage, one of my organs could potentially give someone a second chance at life is pretty miraculous and humbling. Sign me up.

The whole organ donation thing hit close to home and became even more of a phenomenon when I learned that my niece, Nicole, was to become a LIVING donor. LIVING. She is donating a kidney to her father on September 16^th.

Gamut of emotions. Pride. Fear. Hope.

I became Nicole’s aunt when I was a senior in high school. I went on to Cleveland State after graduation. Often I dragged a toddler Nicole along with me. Willingly or not, she went to the book store with me. She went to the library with me. She looked adorable sporting the miniature Vikings sweatshirt I bought her with her famous teeny tiny high and tight pigtails. She was right there with me when I studied. And I do mean RIGHT. THERE. WITH. ME. Like, literally, hanging onto my leg. I wanted to be aggravated, but then she’d start humming or singing or acting cute and I just couldn’t. Damn her.

I’m quite proud or embarrassed to say, not sure which, perhaps both, that I probably inadvertently taught the girl her very first swear word.

She was my little side kick.

I gave myself all kinds of kudos and accolades back in the day that I was a good aunt.

Even given all of that, Nicole was eating some ice cream once. I mean digging into it and loving it. I said, “Boy Nicole that looks really good, can I have a bite?” Without missing a beat or even so much as lifting her head from that bowl, she stated clearly and without hesitation, “GET. YOUR. OWN.”

She has come a long way from those youthful bouts of stinginess. She HAS  learned to share. She has. Soooo much so… that she is now going to share her spare. She is going to donate a kidney. Whoa. That’s a way bigger deal than just letting me have a spoonful of a dairy treat.

With all that said and still pretty high up there, for me anyways, I truly believe with all my heart, that if I asked her nicely today, she would give me some of her ice cream.

Sharing is caring! You are a hero Nicole. We love you!

Please consider being an organ and tissue donor and giving the gift of hope.   

www.organdonor.gov/becomingdonor/stateregistries.html  

Give a Penny, Take a Penny

The glass is half full.

A negative mind will never give you a positive life.

Happiness is a choice.

Yadda, yadda, yadda.

While I very much pride myself on being a positive person I came to the sad realization that my “positivity bank account” has slowly been depleting. My cup that I am almost always touting as overflowing was being spilled and I wasn’t refilling it fast enough.

Deposits? Fewer going in. Withdrawals? Ample and frequent as of late.

“Things” happen and happened and my cup fell below the half way marker.

People have made emotional withdrawals from my personal account yet did not make any deposits in return.

While still counting and appreciating all the blessings I do have, the cumulative effect of the withdrawals were starting to take its toll. Little Miss Sunshine? Eh. Not so much. Perhaps Little Miss Partly Cloudy. Only a recent and short bout of cloudiness, but, nonetheless, I prefer the sun.

I had an old bank account that I never closed. The balance? One cent. Literally. One cent. I closed that account today and I was handed the newest, shiniest, brightest penny I have ever seen. My mood, which was really not all that bad to begin with, immediately changed. I was filled with optimism, hope, thoughts of new beginnings.

One single cent deposit replenished my bank account. One solitary penny. I’m rich.

Avoid overdrafts. Take advantage of opportunities to make deposits, large and small, into to your accounts and every person that is important to you. Do not take out more than you put in. Always top it off.

Negative comments and treatment can suck the life out of even the healthiest of bank accounts.

So I’m sharing my penny. There’s plenty to go around. Give a penny, take a penny. Right? 

Actually, give a few pennies before you take a single one. You’ll never be sorry. 

May your bank accounts runneth over. 

Thoughts From A Jawbreaker

Wanna know a little fun fact about this slacker blogger? I broke my jaw 3 years ago. Very run-of-the-mill injury? Amirght? Nothing interesting here. Move along.

Yeah, that’s my mouth. Wired shut. TIGHT. And that’s my very own iced-out grillz. You like?

OK. So I added the “SS” mouth jewelry for this little story, but I was feeling quite bling-bling, hip-hop and all back in the day. Word.

Oh, the posts I could write on the unusual things that go along with having your teeth semi-permanently laced together with razor-sharp metal bars and titanium twine. Not titanium? Whatever. Nevertheless, when the maxillofacial oral surgeon says you are going to be “wired shut,” your teeth will be on LOCK DOWN. Trust me!

So I’ll pass for now on the story of when they unleashed me for the first time to have a looksie at the state of my still fractured chomper. I was positive at that moment, positive, that my jaw was going to fall off my face. Luckily, I caught it and held it gingerly in place before it plopped down onto the floor. Whew.

I also will not tell you about diligently trying to insert a pipe cleaner in spaces between my teeth (I have none) so I could do a pseudo brushing. Not at all embarrassed to say how many hours were spent on this fruitless task.

Never did I wish for a “trap-door tooth” in all that time. Had I one, however, I could sneak in a toothbrush and use it on the INSIDE of my mouth. I could also pass through some real food that would not and could not be sucked through my teeth. Lived on liquids and air. Even airflow seemed to stop and bounce off my shiny grillz. A little air here please. But again I say, never did I wish for wish for a “trap-door tooth,” people. Never. That’s just silly.

Also will be bypassing this gem – being hit on and the guy questioning me, “Why would you do that to yourself? You are already so thin?” Yes, schmoozy & brilliant man, this was an ELECTIVE surgery?!?

TODAY marks the third anniversary of the day that I was freed from the wires that binded me for nearly 11 weeks. Free at last! Free at last!  

Breaking my jaw reminded me of and confirmed a few things that I truly believe and these items I AM going to share with you here: 

1)         A kind or supportive word makes a difference. There is always a ripple effect. Pay it forward.

2)         Don’t underestimate the magnitude of a small thoughtful gift. A lone milkshake, a box of plastic spoons, a bag of straws, or some fancy-dancy toothpick flossers can mean the world to someone!

3)         It really is the small things in life! It’s amazing how an unrestrained yawn, an unbounded sneeze, freshly brushed teeth, or simply licking your lips can bring you joy! Don’t take the little things for granted.

4)         Laughter is good for the soul… a merry heart is a happy heart! Laugh even through clenched teeth if you must. It truly is the best medicine.

5)         Having not much choice but to smile, as it was somewhat of a permanent fixture on my face, smiling can change your mood and is contagious. Smile often & smile big! It might not be quite as large and shiny as mine used to be… but it will make someone’s day… and probably yours, as well.

I was thankful for all the large and small gestures I received. Overwhelmed really.

I’m reliving that gratitude today and am wishing all of you days filled with kind words, small wonders, countless laughs, and happy smiling faces!  

I also wish you days free from clumsy mishaps. One can really hurt themselves.

Be careful out there!